My poor little blog, I have been neglecting you…
I feel like I have simultaneously been too busy and doing nothing noteworthy. I have a bunch of little things I want to work on. I need to write a follow-up to my big apartment post and talk about my time in the mental hospital. I really just need to get back into writing in general, but every time I sit down to do it, it’s the mental version of that nasty painful kind of constipation where you gotta stick your finger up there just to get some of it to come out.
I feel like my drawing and painting has fallen off too. For a while there, I was having a blast just playing with my various pens and markers and paints, but now for some reason I feel like I need to have a specific thing to focus on or it’s all pointless.
I’ve started doing a lot of things that I’m hoping will lead to me being more productive. I’ve got a powershell script going that blocks all the social media sites, plus youtube. I’ve customized my Obsidian to the gills with stuff to help me keep a productive schedule. I’m pomodoro timing myself as I write this very post. Also still using Todoist, though I found a similar app that’s FOSS called Super Productivity that maybe I’ll try migrating over to.
I’ve been very into FOSS lately, actually. I’m just so tired of all of these tech companies that intentionally design their apps to be as evil as possible. Ads, paywalls, tracking. People who make their things for free are modern-day saints. One day I dream of being able to take the final leap and go full Linux and some sort of open source phone OS.
Anyway, it is the start of a new month, and I am planning to Get Shit Done. It is Lock In Leptember, as the wise Spencer Amundson is calling it. My current schedule is writing for two hours in the morning, then working on art for four hours in the afternoon. I won’t say WHAT writing or art because I am SCARED of saying something publicly and then not following through on it. But as long as I’m attempting to make literally anything, that’s all that matters.
I’m keeping things small at first so I don’t get overwhelmed, and I’ll try to add more time as I get accustomed. Right now I’m only holding myself accountable for a Monday-Tuesday-Thursday work schedule. That leaves me a three day weekend, plus Wednesday I can keep free to play video games with Alice. We’ll see if how long it takes for me to get up to a normal 5 day work week.
It feels so stupid that my brain is so fucked up that I can’t just DO things that I want to do without all of these pulleys and levers and machines in place to push me into it. I wish my brain was at least broken in the workaholic way instead. I truly envy all the people who are just seem to naturally operate on a creative level. Always drawing and writing and painting and making music and whatever else just because that’s their favorite way to spend their time.
I kinda HATE the whole creative process, but I LOOOOVE the feeling of the process being OVER and having a THING to show. I can see why so many people out there get addicted to AI. Put in zero effort and have a thing you can say you “made.” For environmental and ethical reasons, I would never do this, but I do wish I was dumb enough that I could just push a button that said “good job, you are so good and smart and special, and you are understood completely,” and feel happy about it.
BUT. ANYWAY. AGAIN. That’s pretty much all that’s been going on in my brain. Aside from all the “living in a retirement home with fucked up legs” thing. I still have not started physical therapy. It is insane how long it has taken just to get a referral. MONTHS!!! But now you know how things are going, what I’ve got cooking, etc.
One of my goals is to update this blog more frequently, so keep an eye out, and (hopefully) see you soon.
-Tyler